Tis Better to have loved and Lost
by xxRelax-Darlingxx
Summary: All he wanted was for her to trust him, and she never got the chance to say how much she did. xCamstenx Post-1x10


"Tis Better to love and Lost…"

* * *

"Cameron!" Kirsten's piercing cry ripped through the Lab, shocking even herself. She couldn't lose him, not now and not like that. Everyone was in a state of panic and shock as Ayo tried to shock Cameron's heart back to life. She heard someone, who she assumed was Maggie, yell something at her, but everyones voices were drown out by the sound of her own heart beating in her ears. She held onto his hand tightly, willing his heart to start beating again, "Cameron, do not leave me!"  
"Clear!" Ayo shouted, shocking him once again.

* * *

Kirsten shot up in bed with a scream. Her eyes darted around the room; she wasn't in the Lab anymore. She sighed, it was just a dream. She covered her eyes, trying to block out the sunlight that was streaming in through the window that she had forgotten to close the night before.  
"Kirsten?" Camille called, walking up to the door. She sighed when Kirsten didn't respond or even make eye contact with her, "Kirsten, we have to go."  
 _That got a reaction out of her.  
_ "I'm not going."  
"What do you mean you're not going? You can't just not go."  
"I can, and that's exactly what I'm doing." She laid back down, resting her head on her pillow so she was looking away from Camille.  
"Just think about this, Kirsten."  
Kirsten pulled the sheet over her head, signaling the end of their conversation.  
Camille shook her head. There was no hope of getting Kirsten out of bed, so she decided it would be better to just give up, "Fine, I'll see you later." She sighed, walking away.

Kirsten waited until she heard the front door slam shut before slowly peeking out from under the covers and sitting up. She wiped the tears out of her eyes as she stood up and made her way to the kitchen. There was no way she was leaving the house, that way she could pretend everything was okay. The moment she stepped out of the house, or got around Camille and Linus, it would become real. And she couldn't handle that.

 _'Want to know how you can believe me? This is how.'  
'I need to keep you safe.'  
'Do not…not do this.'_

His voice echoed in her head, His last words. She said she would save him, and she couldn't do it. He had always been there when she needed him the most, and when he needed her, she failed him. He was gone, and it was all her fault. She didn't even get a chance to say goodbye.

 _'Is that what love is? Intense connection and then heartbreaking loss?'_

* * *

"Cameron Goodkin was a good man, who was loved by many people."  
Kirsten stood just far enough in the back where no one noticed she had actually shown up, but close enough where she could see everyone who showed up to honor Camerons memory. She couldn't help rolling her eyes a little at the priests comment. Cameron wasn't exactly loved by everyone he met. In fact, a lot of people found him to be kind of annoying and a major smartass, while everyone else just thought he cheated at Settlers of Catan.

She saw two women sitting in the front, one elderly and the other looked quite a bit younger. It must have been Camerons mother and Grandmother. They were both in tears. A man who looked like he was in his mid-forties sat on the other side of his mother, he was holding her hand tightly. He had to be Camerons father. They had the same jaw line, the same shaped eyes. She could tell he was on the verge of tears, but he was trying his best not to. He was trying to be strong for his family. Another thing he and Cameron had in common.

In the row behind them was Linus and Camille. In the nearly two years that Kirsten had known her, she had never seen Camille cry, but there she was in tears. Linus held her hand, wiping his own tears away with his other hand. Kirsten looked around. Ayo was there, Tim – Even Maggie had shown up.  
What would she tell his parents? How would they get closure? How were they ever going to get through the death of their son? …How would Kirsten ever get through his death?  
She felt the hot tears burning their way down her cheeks again. Cameron loved her, and she didn't even realize it until it was too late.

Before she knew it, everyone was standing up and making their way away from the graveyard. She waited until everyone was gone before she walked over to the headstone. It took everything in her not to turn around and run away and pretend that she didn't see it… pretend Cameron was still alive. She placed her hand where his name was engraved, taking a deep breath.  
"Hey Cam," She whispered, kneeling down in the grass, "Why did you do it, Cameron? You didn't even see the stupid plate," She shook her head, "I'm so sorry, it's all my fault. If I had–" She was cut off by a sob that escaped her lips, "It's too late, I wish I had told you sooner, but I love you Cameron." She exhaled as more tears escaped down her cheeks, "I'll always love you."

 _'Is that what love is? Intense connection and then heartbreaking loss?'_

 _'Tis better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.'_

* * *

 ** _A/N  
_ _Thank you so much for reading guys! I really hoped_ _You all liked it. I kind of wanted to write about what it would be like if Cameron didn't make it. I let my cousin beta read it, and she got angry at me for killing Cameron. (And if you guys are mad too, I'm sorry.) I wrote this the night of the Summer Finale, and I couldn't wait to post it. This isn't the last chapter, I plan to write more chapters that explore kind of the effect Camerons death has on the rest of his friends. If you liked it, Leave a review, follow, favourite. Tell your friends, your parents, Heck, even your dog, I'm sure your dog would love it._**

 _ **Again, thanks for reading guys!  
**_

 _ **Also, if anyone is interested in roleplaying, I just started a Stitchers roleplay forum! If you would like to join, the link is on my profile. :)**_

 _ **~Riley**_


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